However, 老王说他的主观意识很强。Today I come across this word so I google what does it mean and weather the word applies to me or not. Then I realise that I am also suitable to use this word. Let see what is the defination。 (Subjective consciousness)
How can I better manage my subjective consciousness so that I can blend in with others?
Maybe every time when someone gives an opinion or advise, rather than being dismissing them quickly. I should not be looking at their "HOW" level. I should go deeper and listen to their "WHY". Analysis is it something constructive? I think first is to listen more and talk lesser. Can we agree that we can have different opinion and view?
Or I can do more journaling as I think writing gives me a chance to reflect on the topic of disagreement and give me time to see and reflect the mistakes. If I later realise that I might be wrong, then I should take actions to change or let the person if I have the chance.
I think watching variety show and learn what mistake people did. And also reinforce my own world view. You see I sided with Xiao Sun right. End of the last espidoes, 老王end up being a very good friend with 小孙. You see, people with 主观意识 end up over time will have people like them too.
Oh my god. Was watching 我们恋爱吧 第五季Relationship S5】EP02上 | 天选单独约会！ and I found how irrigating I was before. It reminds me about when I was in my previous job, my arrogance and disrespectful to my co workers and bosses.
So the boy "Xiao Sun" went on a blind date and turn out that the girl he met was not the one that he like in the house. Therefore, being disappointed, he instantly gave the girl "王安琪“ a black face, furthermore he directly tell her that he don't mind that both of them just keep quiet for the whole ride. Indeed, from the train journey all the way till dinner, he just ignored her and tell her that he is just like this, if he needs to be comfortable, he needs to make other uncomfortable. During the whole trip, the girl handles him carefully and tactfully. Very high EQ.
Now that I see this kind of men, Xiao Sun a sigma male and probably an avoidance character. Although I can empathy with him and agree with him on all his point. In fact I am the kind of person that can made people really really uncomfortable. But when I see it from top down view, he can turn out to be childish and immuture.
做自己就会让别人不舒服，而让人家舒服就不能做自己
All the host are speaking ill of him. About him being very low EQ and not respectful to the date. I find it quite er xin too when watching on the show.
But I can feel him. I can understand him. He just simply don't care about how the viewer see his reaction. He doesn't care about the date, the crew, the host and even the audience. He is just thinking about what he wants in life. Okie. end up I still support him after ranting out his shortcoming.
I think you really don't have to care so much about how people look at you. Even people see you as low EQ, its just we have the choice to choose how we want. More time to know him, 王安琪 will know he is not directed at her. Just his character is like that.
Sometime I question if I really have EQ or not. I made many people uncomfortable at workplace before I just wanna persist on my own opinion. Can say that I am very self centred and don’t adhere to social fabric. No manners and being very respectful to people around me. Problem is I really don’t think I care a bit about the people I don’t care about. But I still like me as a person. I like having these boundaries and people can keep a distance with me. I don’t need people to agree or like me at all :)
Today I am testing to type on this new Bluetooth folding keyboard I brought online. This is the Targus bifold keyboard. I think I hate the way it is being split out into half. I don’t think I am going to be used to be typing on this. This one I get it for $30. I think I will just sell it away. I think its another waste money product liao.
Last week, I went to Taka to shop and eat. I saw the Japanese food and it makes me miss japan already. I decided not to eat at there cause the price is crazy at $20 on average. The reason why I went to Orchard is to repair my IPhone mini 13 camera. It does me to fix it at $255. Some other shop offers to repair at $125 but I am afraid they will not pair with my phone without the official apple camera module. Furthermore the waterproofing might get affected.
I also went to shoppe to buy epoxy glue to paint my basketball. After painting with epoxy, the ball don’t bounce correctly. Therefore the ball consider spolit, I will just leave it near the court so that in case I need it i have a spare.
Today I finally went down to Queensway to buy a new baskeball, initially thought to get the Molten 4500 which cost $68 which is made of composite leather. However, although the handling is good and all but playing this ball in outdoor will really reduce the life of the ball, therefore I get a premiere rubber ball. Cost me $32 which is the spalding street phantom, soft touch. It is expensive for a rubber ball already, I hope it will have a better playability compare to the cheap rubber ball I get from decathlon.
Unforuntely, my first play on this ball is that it is too bouncy and the bounce back from the rim might also hurt your finger. Maybe I have to break in a little bit before I can review again.
Today i want to throw back an incident that happens on 20 Oct 2023. Me and Jackie were planning to meet up for dinner at Chinatown Point. While we are waiting for red light to turn green at a junction, a men approached me with a piece of paper.
As a previous direct sales personal, I had the habit to take all marketing material so I will be informed about new products promotion. Sometime these products sort of inspire me for other business ventures. So I took over the paper and ask what product are you selling? He told me he is not selling anything and just mention that this is something good for you and he think that I should know about it.
After crossing the junction I briefly discussed with Jackie and tells her that this man is kinda funny whom pass me a notes with a youtube link and he is not selling anything. The next on my mind is that this piece of paper must be something of religion nature. Cause no one in the right mind will just pass on something on the street which isn’t a product or a religion pitch.
The men showing me the note in his hand
Time passed and I didn’t have the time to research on this topic, I only briefly know the video is talking about self healing. Recently I am decluttering my stuff and this photo came back to me so I decided to spend some time to note this down.
The video for the link is no longer working so I google her name and watch her first video on youtube regarding fungus. She warns about the danger of fungus inhabiting in your house, never to touch the fungus as it is air bound and able to be inhaled into your body. We should not use bleach but a better choice will be vinegar to clean of the mould in your house.
Although she is labelled as a dangerous non medical personal whom is known to use natural healing instead of chemo while treating cancer. She had mixed review and there are also large followers that supports her ideas. I am one of them. I don’t believe chemo is good for the body. I am an advocate for alternate medicine. The big pharma will make future medicine unaffordable. People will be drained off their life time saving when in old age and everything will be siphoned to the corporation.
Not to sound gloomy. So start taking care of our body and be healthy and not let sickness disturb our good life now :)
We were taught about the idea of heaven and hell when we were young. We have to be obedience and be a good person then we can go heaven otherwise we will go to hell. For half of my life I had fear death as an unknown. Unknowingly if I going to go heaven and hell when I die or “when will I die”.
After my half life, I started to think all these concept are just bullshit. To scare you and control you. I believe when you die, everything just ends. No heaven or hell. Which I think people are already passed is more blessed then people living alive now. Take for my mum, she passed so young I kinda think it is a blessing as she had been a very good person, kind and loving therefore she will enjoy herself by not suffering in this world anymore.
People saying, good people die young and all the villain always lives a long life. I believe people that is long life just because they are being punished in hell. 人间就是地狱.
There are so much suffering in this world. All the scammers to cheat your money, Big Med company to sell you expensive medical. Capitalism squeeze dry the pay for the new graduate. Big corporate (Grab and Amazon) control the livelihood of grab driver and small retail owners. People are just so selfish to stall all the wealth among themselves and let the people eat bread crumbs. I am also selfish so I don’t know what makes tomorrow a better place to be in?
My thoughts are very gloomy that even youtube ad starts to recommend me self help line. It is so funny. I think I am too free and I should start to do something to take my minds off all these thoughts.
But redirecting my thoughts doesn’t mean the problem will just disappear. I can just choose to work or get busy to engage in escapism. 李诞现在还会觉得人间值得吗？
Was riding on my father bike suddenly just let my brain wonders. Suddenly thought about life shouldn’t be about objective driven. Objective is just a man made concept that they install in your brain. A plant and animal doesn’t have objective that they needs to be accomplished. Only live each day with peace and eat if you have to. That’s all.
Something of completion will only be a beginning of something else to be achieved. Our human life is only between the pursuing and completion of something. Anyway the end goal of our life is death and no one wants to complete this mission anytime soon right?
When we talk about success, it is for external and for other people. If there are no one around there will be nothing of success to show people anyway. Therefore when we pursuit success we merely want some people validation from outside sources.
So while many time I do something it’s appears to people that I am not achieve something just like doing something for fun. People find it weird. I sometimes also not used to be doing something but not achieving anything in the process. But that’s is fine. I shouldn’t worry too much about it.
Life shouldn’t be always about goal setting and had to have achievement in the process. That’s too stress for me. Life is not about the 0 and 1. But it really about the happening between the 0 and 1.
This weekend I stayed at JB to get some stock up for my house. Love to go Malaysia rent a small house. That’s is small empty and always clean with little stuff :)
Today nothing to do so I called father to ask if he wants to hang out in JB since it is Thursday. Along the way at the custom I see some motorbike have adjustable back rack. Which is cool as the box can flip forward as a cushion if no pillion is rides at the back.
I saw the brand is magic boy and it doesn’t cost a lot. I google it the rack is $40 excluding the box of course.
In the way I was so keen to buy a motorbike to play as I had passed by 2B license half years ago. I imagine myself riding from Queenstown to Kulai house in the future. Then suddenly I was like thinking why don’t I just take bus and MRT instead? Hai~
I realise my father the work, leisure combo is genius. He rent a HDB in woodland as he is low income group. Work 4 days in Singapore and 3 days relax in JB. 3x so nice to spend right?
Somemore the way he work is like doing very little but earn a lot kind. Very effective and productive. I think no time is being wasted. If you observe him closely you will be impressed.
Today help father transfer his new phone Honor X9c. Tmr play badminton and bring him to Decathlon to refund some clothes which is not fitting. Sorry the blog is so boring. Cause I had not been travelling.
Today I order from shoppe epoxy paint 300g. My plan is to paint my basketball with epoxy paint to make it slightly heavier and improvement of gripping. My lousy ball which was bought from Decathlon, the low end one had the skin all pealed off. I find it too light for my liking while I used other's ball and found them to be too heavy. Therefore I like to DIY to repair it with better grip. I tried finding it online to see if people had done this or not, couldn't find any so I like to try it myself. This time I tried buying something from Shoppe. Long time never do online shopping let start the ball rolling.
I returned my travelling bad to decathlon today as I like to get the green color version at JB. It is nicer and cheaper so why not.
I stumble upon TB challenger selling fan and they say they extended operation hours from 9:30pm to 10pm due to Christmas period. Aiks. All the Christmas shit I hate it. But I end up buying a 12' Toyomi Air Circulator. This is the first time I trying to buy these kind of metal fan. I didn't know they are a bit different than our convention plastic bladed fan. It was meant to circulate the air instead of getting a straight air breeze. A bit complicated. And I do not know how much of it is a marketing gimmick. Therefore although its slightly expensive over conventional fan, I decide to buy it to try it myself. 智商税
Today I come across this video that have a bit of the LLP relationship I am talking about. Marriage this old fashion thingies no longer work in this new era. Still 拾吓拾吓。From statistic POV already say so, further more still got percentage that is dragging one leh. Data never lie mah.
Yesterday I had a moment that reflect on the purpose for living in this world. My worldview tend to be very pessimistic but realistic to say the least.
Pleasure vs Pain
Firs of all, I had concluded in the past that in life, we should NOT be the pursuit of pleasure but rather the removal of pain. Pleasure like enjoyment to body and the joy in obtaining material are temporary. Once the moment had past, we will return to normal as no one keep having pleasure forever. However pain like lost of kin and physical hurt are long lasting.
Therefore, my conclusion to having a "good life" is equilibrium of non existence of pleasure non pain at the same time. The most comfortable state to be in is to either feel happy or sad. Which isn't it as good as being "dead"?
That the reason I had been stoic and learning to remove my emotional attachment towards object and people. Without the pleasure from picking up there will not have the the pain from lossing it in the future. A bit leaning towards the Nihilism idealogoly.
Everything is a wavelength
If we break down human into simplest state. An atom is the smallest particles of matters can are made but my positively charges and negatively charged proton, neutron and electron. This atom vibrate in a wavelength and therefore can be turned into solid, liquid and gaseous state.
Since all our emotional pain or pleasure is all the tiggers in our brain wavelength. Chemicals like dopamine and endorphin are the chemical result from our brain perceptions. Therefore all things, events and thoughts are just energy and wavelengths. As for all wavelength if there is a peak, there will be the decline in returning to equilibrium.
Bring joy into the world?
Since I was small till becoming an uncle now, I always thought my mission in this life is to bring joy and happiness into the world. When I leave this world, at least I had made an positive impact to the world. How naive was I.
Now knowing that the joy I bring forward to the world will result in suffering at the other end of the world. Remembering that giving love to people had the end result of misery when the person lose this love in the end. I strongly believe there are will not a net positive impact to the world, When you leave, someone or something is going to be negatively impacted be it a loved one or a stranger, object or things will get impacted by your "positive" injection. As the famous quote, energy is either created or destroyed, its merely transferred.
That being said, does mean I asking you to draw pain to the world. The pain inject is merely the end result of a "positive" being injected somewhere. So just maintain as still as possible, nothing matters as the up will only result in coming down.
The purpose of reproduction
Giving birth to children, result in 2 result, they are either happy or they will be miserable. Therefore 50% chance to being miserable. But by not giving birth, they will be 100% in equilibrium, neither happy or miserable. Therefore this made me believe there is no real incentive for the person you bring to this world. For course there are incentive for us, be it to fulfil our so call "happiness" from being a parent or the old saying to have a children take care for us in the future. However I see it, that seems so selfish of us.
Arthur Schopenhauer was especially pessimistic on this topic:
If children were brought into the world by an act of pure reason alone, would the human race continue to exist? Would not a man rather have so much sympathy with the coming generation as to spare it the burden of existence, or at any rate not take it upon himself to impose that burden upon it in cold blood?
We can even find this view in the New International Version of the Bible:
And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. But better than both is the one who has never been born, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun.
I am not saying people are selfish and I am not. In fact I am very selfish therefore I am able to read all the selfish act. And also note that Joe in friend once explain about the selfishness in selflessness.
People are selfish therefore the accumulation of wealth and the invention of marriage as a weapon for the wealth.
People are selfish in advancing in technology (AI, deepfake, social media, shopping platform) for the benefit for themselves and lets million of others suffer in mental illiness.
People are selfish in advancing in human legacy thru birth without thinking clearly that they themselves had not figure out their own reason for existence.
Today is the 2nd day we reach into Okayama. I don’t know about it. I used to think Kobe is boring but then I love it into the 2nd days onward. So far Okayama hasn’t give me a reason to like it yet. The shopping is clustered near the train station and our hotel “the onefive Okayama” was 20mins walk away. Nothing special and there are not much 2nd hand shop for me to shop around. Tmr got an event in the evening and Sunday we shall go visit Aeon mall for shopping.
We drew on the toilet of the homestay we are at
Leaving the house is a bit sad as we met really great accompany in the house. 2 German girls, Hannah and Marke and 2 France girl, Joanna and Julie. Each of us was very polite and had good initiative. We will help each other on simple task like fetching hot water. At night as it was so cold the whole house only the living room table is attached with heater so we will curdle together and discuss on all topics under the sun, religion, education, culture, breaktalk and everything German and France related. So fun to hang out with them.
Met up with Kiyonori san and his mum gave us all some tidbits in Kimono bag!
We had the extreme honor to be invited Kiyonori San church where he explained to us his religion, 天理教。Where they focus on living a joyous life be it living in a joyous life or helping others to feel joyous. So their mission is to host and give to people. Kiyonori’s mum gave us a pouch that is handmade by Kimono fibre and she also teach us hand by hand to do Okonomiyaki, which is kinda junk food and comfort food at the same time. And his mum also run her own podcast show on her own when now she is 83 yrs old. Kiyonori also show us how he do his own rocket burner to cook his water using abandon wood.
Kiyonori san’s mum taught us how to cook Okonomiyaki
As we are nearing the end of the stay in the guest house, we are planning to travel to Okayama. Julie just happens to want to discard a converse shoes. So happen that her feet size is 42 which match with my foot. As you know I didn’t even own a shoes back home as I only travel with slipper all the time. I faster say I want the shoes as a memento. Julie is also glad that the shoes will be taken care by me so we both had a good timing where one wanna discard and I wanna keep. I will love this shoes very much and I will wear until it is very broken.
We pose as the converse shoes is gifted over to me
It was a great stay and we make sure the toilet is painted with our youtube channel so that the future volunteer will be able to subscribe to us and see the video we post for this house. I didn’t know that I have a talent in painting and received good review for my drawing.
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We are advocate for no plan travelling. Sometime if you plan and rush for the trip you will miss out in fun and often fall short on your expectation. If not for our no plan trip we couldn’t have went to the sudden last min recommendation for work exchange and will not be able to meet up with all these great people along the way. See you at Okayama
