Real friendship and why you are wasting your time


No lifelong friends but lifelong interest.

Since young before primary school, I was a strong believer in friendship. I was always the first who initiated contact with friends after we graduate for a gathering and catching up. But to my dismay, a lot of time this kind of affection is one-sided. I was almost a bit jealous of friends who got into new clique to the new environment. It like I am having withdrawal symptom towards friends "moving on".

After secondary school, I already understand there is almost no friendship that will last forever. So I tell myself, 朋友是阶段性的。And after the army, I understand that friend is mutually beneficial and you are automatically excluded when you are no longer useful. 朋友是互相利用的。

Over time, from extorvert, I became an introvert. Excluding myself from gathering, get together, almost like social withdrawal.

Aristotle, a prolific philosopher outline true joy of life derived from friendship differentiated 3 groups of friends, first 2 as accidental and last as intentional.

  1. The friend of utilities: Co-workers, partner, mutually beneficial relationship. This group is periodical and will end as long as there is no value to each other. Usually, more mature people have this group of friends.
  2. The friend of pleasure: school mate, team player and clique. This group belongs to the younger generation which enjoys purely the companionship with one another. 
  3. The friend of good: this kind of relationship is based on a mutual appreciation of the virtues the other person holds dear. In this kind of friendship, the people themselves and the qualities they represent provide the incentive for the two parties to be in each other’s lives.
"Friendships of virtue take time and trust to build. They depend on mutual growth."
Life is too short of shallow friendship. 9 reason that the intelligent have fewer friends layout the reason why I do not like to attend pointless conversation. I am a person who kept secret well and don't like to talk unless I understand what I am talking. The best one is the one that I do not like to prove myself to anyone so I don't really care how people look and talk about me.

We all have limited time a day. And socializing with negative people who love to complain and gossip and talk irrelevant immature topics are tiring. Sometimes when people are talking I just blank out and give a very blurred face. They ask me why am i so quiet, but I just lack the interest to put up a "like I care" face.

We mistook that as the need to have companionship. I am almost going to become a narcissist. It's not easy to find a friend who have the same virtue with me.

Now I love to hang around with people more senior, have great stories and life experience. A mentor I can look up to and follow. Law of attraction state we are the average 5 of the people around us.

So choose your friends wisely. 



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