6th August 4pm I gave in to the temptation of cigarette. A good 8 days for nicotine free body had been polluted, once again.
I was under a lot of pressure from writing my final report and yes you can call that an excuse. I was reading the assessment criteria and realize that technical content constitute 40% and for the matter of fact, my report was not written in technical aspect at all. Mine sort of like learning experience narration.
I was really confused about how to write my report, should I write it the way the lecturer wants it or should I write it in the way which I think its best for me? You must be disgusted with the fact I took the report so seriously. But I really feels the weight on my shoulder, when you are at the top, you had more expectation and you don't really want to be a let down. Failure no longer is an option. And failure in this case does not the 50% benchmark but it simply means not achieving whatever you wanted to achieve.
So I asked Raj to spare me a stick. I wanted a quick fix. The cigarette's effect took couple of seconds to reach my brain and all the wonderful effect came back again. We call it 'soink' (refer to the state of unconsciousness of oneself through effect of drug). "Soink" is our slang, not a lot of people know what it means. I hate to admit but it really feels good. Half way through, a lot of thoughts went through my mind, like thoughts of regret. I didn't finish the cigarette, left 20%. Ya I know I almost finished one stick but then I threw it away. I felt guilty and I threw my lighter as well.
Walking back to office still feeling gaga, I went into the toilet and I felt like confessing to someone/something. I went inside the cubicle and reflects. I think I need to get a religion. Because it seems that I had a problem keeping up with faith. My mind is so weak and I give in to so many things. Perseverance. Yes that's what I lack.
You know the hardest thing for me is that my parents are smoking, and now imagine all the cigarettes laying around. I had to fight the little craving everytime I see them. At least in Australia, I don't buy cigarette and hence no temptations.
Hmmm, when I come back I going to play a sport. Join a religion and call the quit line. I seriously needs help.
I was under a lot of pressure from writing my final report and yes you can call that an excuse. I was reading the assessment criteria and realize that technical content constitute 40% and for the matter of fact, my report was not written in technical aspect at all. Mine sort of like learning experience narration.
I was really confused about how to write my report, should I write it the way the lecturer wants it or should I write it in the way which I think its best for me? You must be disgusted with the fact I took the report so seriously. But I really feels the weight on my shoulder, when you are at the top, you had more expectation and you don't really want to be a let down. Failure no longer is an option. And failure in this case does not the 50% benchmark but it simply means not achieving whatever you wanted to achieve.
So I asked Raj to spare me a stick. I wanted a quick fix. The cigarette's effect took couple of seconds to reach my brain and all the wonderful effect came back again. We call it 'soink' (refer to the state of unconsciousness of oneself through effect of drug). "Soink" is our slang, not a lot of people know what it means. I hate to admit but it really feels good. Half way through, a lot of thoughts went through my mind, like thoughts of regret. I didn't finish the cigarette, left 20%. Ya I know I almost finished one stick but then I threw it away. I felt guilty and I threw my lighter as well.
Walking back to office still feeling gaga, I went into the toilet and I felt like confessing to someone/something. I went inside the cubicle and reflects. I think I need to get a religion. Because it seems that I had a problem keeping up with faith. My mind is so weak and I give in to so many things. Perseverance. Yes that's what I lack.
You know the hardest thing for me is that my parents are smoking, and now imagine all the cigarettes laying around. I had to fight the little craving everytime I see them. At least in Australia, I don't buy cigarette and hence no temptations.
Hmmm, when I come back I going to play a sport. Join a religion and call the quit line. I seriously needs help.
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