I am very upset about my present life in school. Never had I felt so miserable in school life. I was always those happy go lucky type during secondary. Never had to remember to complete assignment. Give a fuck during test and exams. Cause they doesn't really matters to me. That was because I had friends of my own kind then. Sort of "peer pressure" or "peer encouragement" from them. I only had to follow what they are doing. They fail test, I fail.. They skip class, I skip.. See so easy, no stress and happy.
But now, everyone is so broken up, all coming from different directions and heading to different ways. Everyone having the "mind your own business" attitude. (I include myself inside of cause). So everyone is shut off. I don't feel like I have a clique. I don't even feel that I had any friends. (of course I am refering to close one).
But instead of saying people are shutting me off, or is it that I am shutting people away?
Reason being age gap. Although I told myself not to keep remembering these fatality fact, but nonetheless it will still hunt me. All of friends around are having different attitude towards life and they have different views on thing they see. I so call eat more rice than them, I went through more things and I don't wish to go through those things one more time. I rejected to outing. I rejected gaming. I rejected sport. I rejected to bonding. I do try to go through them again but I really feel very boring. Young people are excited to trying new things and I am sick of repeating old things. That's maybe why I can't bond with young people. They are so full of energy and hunting for new excitement while I am so dull and focus on my study. No one is going through the pain with me. People do not understand that I was actually an island, though I look like so busy and involved in activities.
I always hear people saying that I am self-centered and too practical. But I really had no one to focus on except myself. Reality is harsh and I had to be practical. This isn't an emo post. Because I am still very optimistic and felt lucky of my choices. Just wanna blog about my feeling once in a while.
But now, everyone is so broken up, all coming from different directions and heading to different ways. Everyone having the "mind your own business" attitude. (I include myself inside of cause). So everyone is shut off. I don't feel like I have a clique. I don't even feel that I had any friends. (of course I am refering to close one).
But instead of saying people are shutting me off, or is it that I am shutting people away?
Reason being age gap. Although I told myself not to keep remembering these fatality fact, but nonetheless it will still hunt me. All of friends around are having different attitude towards life and they have different views on thing they see. I so call eat more rice than them, I went through more things and I don't wish to go through those things one more time. I rejected to outing. I rejected gaming. I rejected sport. I rejected to bonding. I do try to go through them again but I really feel very boring. Young people are excited to trying new things and I am sick of repeating old things. That's maybe why I can't bond with young people. They are so full of energy and hunting for new excitement while I am so dull and focus on my study. No one is going through the pain with me. People do not understand that I was actually an island, though I look like so busy and involved in activities.
I always hear people saying that I am self-centered and too practical. But I really had no one to focus on except myself. Reality is harsh and I had to be practical. This isn't an emo post. Because I am still very optimistic and felt lucky of my choices. Just wanna blog about my feeling once in a while.
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